Let's Talk Gen X and Sex

In my house, I’m the one who talks about sex. One of our boys, during the very first talk, responded by putting pillows and then his hands over his ears, which was hardly an effective way to absorb parental guidance. We finally managed to push on through the event with him standing in the living room, facing away from me with a crocheted blanket draped over his body. I pretended that I was talking to a blue Cousin It from the Munsters.

Most recently, when I brought up something related to sex in breakfast conversation, the same boy, now a teenager, paused during a bite, stared at me blankly and then bellowed for his dad with a mouth full of chocolate chip pancakes I’d just made him, “WHY ARE YOU LETTING HER TALK?!”

Be warned, such reactions encourage me to laugh and cover the subject in greater depth.

Today, I ponder Gen X and sex. I know that the “X” in Gen X was settled upon because no one could think of an applicable term for us; as opposed to previous living generations, we appear to be difficult to define. So, our name, given by one of our own in a novel, is an unknown variable “X” as in un an algebraic formula. Still, I see the X and think “X-rated;” it’s just where my mind goes, perhaps because I see more references to “X” ratings than to algebra, or maybe I’m depraved, or more likely, I’m a product of my generation.

Several (but not many) authors have published insights into how U.S. GenXers have been shaped as sexual beings. This is every published thing I’ve found, all of it buried in pieces on related subjects. I’ve attempted to arrange the list in a fairly chronological way.

·      Gen X was the first generation of babies adults took pills to prevent.

·      We were born and raised during a time with a growing number of divorces and an increasing number of single parents in a society (where such living arrangements were not particularly accepted and certainly not the norm).

·      We, as a generation, had our first sexual experiences at earlier ages than older generations in our society.

·      AIDS came on the scene (and was focused on heavily in the media) during our teenage/elementary-aged years.

·      As older teens and young adults, our generation produced an increasing number of unmarried mothers, (more than our country had seen before).

·      During our young adulthood/teen years, U.S. opinion polls showed an increasing acceptance of sex outside of marriage.

·      Throughout our lives, we’ve had an easier accessibility to porn than older generations, (and we’ve viewed a lot of it).

·      In our early young adulthood/teen years, the US culture shifted radically in regards to homosexuality.

·      As a generation, we married later than previous generations, meaning that we’ve had more dating relationships than previous generations.

·      Throughout our young adulthood and into the age we are now, more of us have sought and pushed on through infertility treatments (unavailable to previous generations).

·      (Many of us have dated and have married people we met online.)

·      (Those smiling Viagra commercials started airing during our young adulthood.)

·      By the time we reach our 40’s Gen X women have, on average, had four sexual partners, and men have had eight.

·      At the start of midlife, one in four of us who have been married have been divorced.

·      Women may hit their sexual peak during midlife and also go through menopause, which may decrease sexual pleasure. (I summarized this to my husband as, “Women get 5 minutes to peak.”)

·      Men find themselves on the sexual decline in midlife.

·      Single women and couples can still have planned or unplanned pregnancies during midlife.

Confession . . . I couldn’t get through the list without adding just a few of my own comments. (Parentheses are thoughts I added.) I can think of much more to say, but I'll stop for now. You're welcome to add to this before I come back to it.

Questions: How would you alter or change the report? How have these experiences impacted our lives? How are we shaping future generations in response to the way we’ve been shaped? What other thoughts came to you as you skimmed the list? Do children in your lives hide under blankets when you talk to them?

This blog post is part of a series of writing (April 3-May 14, 2011) by Tammy Fletcher Bergland about Generation X facing midlife.   tbergland.blogspot.com