Limbo

There was a time when I stopped caring, a time when I couldn’t care.

I could breathe.  And I did. And that was enough.

I always thought depression meant sadness. Turns out there’s a land more remote than sadness. Sadness requires emotion. Emotion requires caring.

Before I journeyed away from myself, I believed not caring indicated ill-will towards someone, something. As it happens, not caring doesn’t have to be directed towards anyone or anything.

Not caring is like being away in the prison of the mind while familiar shapes and noise bustle around on the outside, watched, but otherworldly.

Time moves strangely in such a place. Even time is unreal.

God can be there. I’ve walked with Him there, through that place, and back to this life I’m living again.

I’m looking at you through the glass,

Don’t know how much time has passed

Oh God it feels like forever, but no one tells you that

Forever feels like home, sitting all alone inside your head

‘Cause I’m looking at you through the glass,

Don’t know how much time has passed

All I know is that it feels like forever, but no one ever tells you that

Forever feels like home, sitting all alone inside your head . . .

How do you feel? That is the question . . .

But I forget you don’t expect an easy answer

When something like a soul becomes initialized and folded up like

Paper dolls and little notes, you can’t expect a lot of hope

So while you’re outside looking in, describing what you see

Remember what you’re staring at is me.

‘Cause I’m looking at you through the glass,

Don’t know how much time has passed

All I know is that it feels like forever, but no one ever tells you that

Forever feels like home, sitting all alone inside your head . . .

- from Stone Sour/ “Through Glass” from Come Whatever May album

My experiences with depression were temporary, a result of other medical conditions (not that I had an understanding of that at the time). Not everyone has the same experience with depression, but depression is prevalent in our country. In 2012, one inten U.S. Adults reported living with depression of various types.

If you are losing or have lost yourself in depression, I encourage you to let someone know.

    People who care:

            Family

            Friends

    Resources in your community:

Churches

Doctors

            Hospitals

            Hospice

Social Services

    Support Groups:

Alcoholics Anonymous

Grief Support Groups

Narcotics Anonymous 

    Support Groups for various illnesses/ conditions

Reach out. Hold on. Life continues, and I pray for us all to feel like part of it.

This blog post is part of a series of writing (May 31-June 2012) by Tammy Fletcher Bergland about holding on and letting go.   tbergland.blogspot.com