The Ache of Recovery
So here you come without your falsehoods;
Now you bow with aching truth,
Saying this time you’re repenting,
Claiming sorrow as your proof.
I wish for some way to believe you,
But I know I never will.
You’re the one who broke me,
And I’m broken still.
I remember before the deception,
Before this one and all the rest,
When our hopes were new and many,
Before they hadn’t faced such hard tests.
Your words I took forthrightly
Until I learned that lies could kill.
They slashed me open, poured my trust out,
And I’m broken still.
As I live, I heal without you;
As I breathe, I mend for me.
I don’t want to live shattered, doubting.
I will live and will live free.
If you want to still walk beside me,
You must really change today.
Bend your knees and cry out to heaven;
God show you the way.
I see your face, so sad and downcast,
Haggard shadow of what I used to see
When our hopes were new and many,
Before I was gasping to break free.
I pray that I should believe you,
Find discernment and the will
To kneel beside you and face this together.
I love you still.
As we live, let’s heal together.
As we change, let’s bend our knees.
Let’s not live broken, unforgiving;
Let’s hold to truth and both live free.
If we’re to journey with each other,
This must end before it kills.
Walk with God. Pour our pride out.
He loves us still.
-Me
Holding on/letting go is hard for one person. It sometimes takes a whole extra level of strength to negotiate such things through the complexity of relationship. Hmm? May we all have wisdom and strength as we hold to relationship through the ups and downs of life!
Disclaimer: My husband was NOT in my mind when I wrote this poem, and he graciously agreed for me to use a photo of our hands from our wedding day as the photo here.
This blog post is part of a series of writing (May 31-June 2012) by Tammy Fletcher Bergland about holding on and letting go. tbergland.blogspot.com
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