What Do People Let Go Of?

If I were smarter than I am and had more time than I do, I’d create an interactive Family Feud sort of board, complete with music for this next part. As it is, though, you’re all just going to have to imagine a glamorous game show setting with a silky-voiced host asking you . . .

“What do people let go of? Top Google search answers listed below:”

(I so wish these answers would reveal themselves one at a time with separate clicks!)

-A person

-Love

-The past

-Grudges

-Bitterness

-Something we’ve built

-Baggage

-Addictions

-Bad habits

If you were a contestant, would you have argued that additional answers should have been included? What would you have added?

I ran across a couple of simple articles from the popular media, psychological and medical worlds that offer some reasonable advice about letting go. If you’re in an unhealthy, hanging-on situation or if you’re struggling with forgiveness, I suggest taking a look at these pages to help you think through what you need to be doing:

Clues You Should Be Letting Go of Something

How Do You Let Go While You’re Hanging On?

Forgiveness: Letting Go of Grudges and Bitterness

 I figure most of us hit such times at least every now and then. And sometimes, releasing our grasp is one of the hardest but most important things we’ll ever do.

Right now, I need to let go of stress eating (again), so I’m going to work on that . . . sigh . . . and now since I said that so openly, I’m probably REALLY going to have to work on that; it’s just that I’ve had so much stress during the last year  . . . (See first two links above; I’m a classic, messed-up case. HA!) Yes, I laugh, but I seriously do need to work on stress eating. Stress and poor eating habits very much affect this body in bad ways and can shorten a quality lifespan.

I also need to let go of a few much bigger and harder things as well . . . and am working daily to do so.

If you are letting go or need to let go, I wish you wisdom, courage, strength and peace.

This blog post is part of a series of writing (May 31-June 2012) by Tammy Fletcher Bergland about holding on and letting go.   tbergland.blogspot.com

To Hold On? To Let Go?

Michelangelo’s “Creation of Adam” on the Sistine Chapel ceiling sucks me in, the whole painting and the vastness of the ceiling it looks down from, but mostly, that small space between the finger of God and the finger of Adam.

As the story goes, the image depicts the moment of creation. I’m absorbed by the image. I ponder, not the second of imparted life and breath, but the seconds before and afterward.

Adam and God stretch toward to each other, God giving life, Adam receiving life.

Did God pause, just before that touch? Did both pause just afterward? The painting is frozen, with Created and Creator forever not quite touching.

Consider the instant after breath flowed into man, after the startling intensity of that life-touch. Adam, to me, seems to be already pulling away, leaving God and man each with his own realization of the distance between them . . . so close but so separate.

I want them to hold on to each other, but maybe they have to let go? Can they do both at the same time?

This blog post is part of a series of writing (May 31-June 2012) by Tammy Fletcher Bergland about holding on and letting go.   tbergland.blogspot.com

I’m holding on . . . 12 months later.

So I return to the outpouring of words. Quite a season it has been! “Ode to the Red Bird Who Slams into Our Window” was certainly a strong symbolic theme throughout the year, and I had to sing that song of hope through unexpected and powerfully dark places.

When I started this blog, I wanted to carry out the GenX in Midlife theme. Now, I guess I’ll just continue living as a GenXer through midlife, let God carry on with what He started in me and those around me, and see what comes through words as I return to some regular writing. I think I’ll focus on HOLDING ON AND LETTING GO for a while this time around.

I thank God for being light, life, strength, refuge, song, and hope.

And I wish that darned bird would stop slamming into my window . . . he’s still going, 14 months later.

“I will sing about your strength; every morning I will sing aloud of your constant love. You have been a refuge for me, a shelter in my time of trouble. I will praise you, my defender. My refuge is God, the God who loves me.” –Psalm 59: 16-17


This blog post is part of a series of writing (May 31-June 2012) by Tammy Fletcher Bergland about holding on and letting go.   tbergland.blogspot.com

Sharing a Song of Hope

Song of Hope

V. 1

This is a song of hope,

For days beyond this day,

For life after the death in this moment,

This time when all but pain seems far away.

Don’t be pulled down.

Don’t let these lies become your truth.

Let the light into your darkness

And hear the hated voices inside you become mute.

Chorus

Here’s to a better day,

A better time,

When the streaming tears are from laughter.

You know now’s not the end.

There’s more to come.

Let’s push toward a better chapter.

In this life

We’re writing

We can choose to be the heroes

And heroes push for hope beyond the hurt.

V. 2

Yes, today is rough.

Life is never fair.

Dreams seem falling down all around us

And our best isn’t good enough.

Lies will surely be our death.

So let’s release them to the living air.

Let’s let them die this very moment,

And as they shrivel, breathe a healing breath.

Chorus

Here’s to a better day,

A better time,

When the streaming tears are from laughter.

You know now’s not the end.

There’s more to come.

Let’s push toward a better chapter.

In this life

We’re writing

We can choose to be the heroes

And heroes push for hope beyond the hurt.

V. 3

Please hear this song of hope,

For days beyond this day,

For life after the death of this moment,

This time when joy could be a page away.

Raise yourself up.

Reach out for all that’s good and true.

Let the light into your darkness

And step back into your story with your strength renewed.

Chorus

Here’s to a better day,

A better time,

When the streaming tears are from laughter.

You know now’s not the end.

There’s more to come.

You can push toward a better chapter.

In this life

We’re writing

We can choose to be the heroes . . .

You can choose to be the hero . . .

I’ve always seen in you that hero.

And heroes reach the hope beyond the hurt.

Please sing this song of hope.
                                               -Me

My earlier musings about the similarities between midlifers and teenagers and the potential trouble brewing in our house with two of each age group have been playing themselves out with much passion . . . and drama . . . oh, the drama. We’ve had our share of screaming and crying; OK . . . I, as the only female here, have had my share of screaming and crying and have been pleasantly surprised that one of our teenage boys has been training me to speak calmly instead of yelling in the midst of extreme anger, frustration, and powerlessness. In turn, I’m persevering in the attempt to train my boys to become men of strength, and honor, and hope, training that cannot be as direct as the “use your inside voice” training I’m receiving.

As a result, I’ve become a novice song-writer now. The music actually came to me, and I put the message I needed at the moment to the music. I’ve started getting the notes down, mostly because the song is inspiring me to inspire my guys. I’ll share the words with you . . . simple enough thoughts in progress that may go no further  . . . just in case you, too, could use a simple message of hope as you face your today and tomorrow.

God be with you, friends.

-a blog post by Tammy Fletcher Bergland  tbergland.blogspot.com

A Bird-Brain and Emotional Instability

Ode to the Red Bird Who Slams Into our Window

1

Once our west windows stood tranquil, unruffled, and clear.

The living room within served as a place of rest,

Where I could hear

My mind, rejuvenate through every test.

It was a place to dream, to meet good cheer.

Times have changed. Our home’s no longer calm.

The peace has passed;

Turmoil has amassed.

My contemplative space has lost its inspirational balm.

2

One ordinary early morning,

Near the windows, in my comfy chair,

With some now unremembered thought just forming,

I was startled by events, then most rare.

A clumsy-sounding bang

From outside the windows rang.

The indoor-cat who at my feet lay sleeping on her back

Shot to a shelf, ready to attack.

Uncertain of what had just occurred,

The cat and I peered outside and saw a bird.

Still, the bird lay upon the ground,

An unmoving lump of red,

And I, I was sad to see such beauty downed;

The cardinal, stopped in flight, there was lying dead.

The cat, crouched above me on her perch,

So suddenly awake, prepared to lurch

Through the window glass,

Mostly to prove that she was fast.

I sighed and retreated toward my day.

Cat tensed. And resurrected bird flew away.

3

Oh, how I wish this story had a happy end,

But, alas, it does not—

I’m constantly reminded what unsettling onslaught it has brought.

The red bird, revived from death, flutters again.

He hates his glassy apparition. He’s obviously confused.

He slams himself into the pane. He must be feeling bruised.

His continued crashing leaves me unamused.

The place that once was my paradise of peace

Now reveals self-inflicted torture without cease.

My bedroom is above it, and every morn when cat and I awake,

We hear the bird-song and smack. How long will this dying take?

He castigates himself unyieldingly.

He serenades his own reflection unabashedly.

I keep hoping he will learn

And fly away free, never to return.

As he recurrently attempts to barrel through the glass,

A reality that can never be,

Musings and months pass.

He’s reminding me of me

As I soar toward visions that I almost see,

Obstinately proceeding, reverberating to the ground and so far re-arising

In spite of impossibilities.

                                            -Me

Recently one of my boys presented his brother with a birthday card that read, "Get Well . . . I hope you recover from your mental instability soon." Although the card had been carefully selected months in advance specifically because it was a crazy, misfit of a birthday wish, the words of the card, when read aloud on the actual birthday, made us all laugh a little too sincerely. The card was humorous because of the truth in it . . . for all of us at the moment. Our dear cardinal who has forcefully joined the daily interactions of this family of two young mildlifers and two youngish teenagers is one of many elements adding to our collective insanity these days.

And so runs our reality story as I see it this week. Sometimes one can find comfort in any kind of predictability, even the unsettling regularity of a bird living a long life of failed, loud, slow, and senseless suicide. Even so, I'll push on to something higher; surely there will be a better time soon. 

-a blog post by Tammy Fletcher Bergland  tbergland.blogspot.com

Time Will Tell

While I’ve enjoyed a semester of considering Gen X meeting midlife, I’m ready to move on, but a little closure is in order first.

I think that the psychology of midlife will remain much as it has been for other generations who have experienced midlife . . . at least for GenXers who slow down enough to realize when midlife is upon us. 

I don’t think we can deny that there is a certain psychology of “middleness” throughout human experience. The fact is, midlife IS in the middle of the lifespan. It is a time when one starts rubbing shoulders with death and illness more than during younger years. It is a time when one’s own body starts to feel some aging. It is a time when, at some point, each person will probably seriously consider his/her own mortality and try to figure out how the certainty of mortality will affect him/her in the here and now as well as in the years to come. For such reasons, midlife will surely continue to be a time of liminality in some manner, when people must come to terms with who they’ve been, embrace who they are now, and head toward a limited mortal life in the future. I think the time is ripe for new experiences of God and spiritual growth.

I also expect midlife in the coming 10 years or so to gain a flavor of GenX. First of all, we Gen Xers have seen Boomers and the Silent Generation go through midlife and are quite aware that life, for most people, can continue to be rich well past 60. We have, in fact, already incorporated the reality of a long life-span into our lives as can be seen by our later marriages and later child-bearing years. Many of us are not sandwiched between parents and teenagers as previous generations have been. More of us are single and without children. More of us have toddlers. Those of us who were born to Baby Boomers may not even expect to have to tend to our parents for many years to come. Some of us, even in midlife, have living grandparents while we are at the age to be grandparents ourselves. Many of us have confused family trees due to up to two previous family generations plus our own marriages that have dissolved in divorce; the sense of family and caring for the older generation is much more complicated than it has been for previous generations. Homosexual couples with and without children struggle with how the partner/children will financially survive should one of couple die because their family is not recognized as legitimate by laws as are heterosexual families. More children with autism have been born to us than to previous generations, and midlife parents whose children have special needs will certainly be concerned with long-term care for their children. As Gen X studies show, we have been cynical throughout life, and many of us will enter midlife with relatively few economic resources as compared to our parents when they were at midlife. 

As my questionnaires show, we will not be surprised if we find ourselves struggling to have basic needs met as older adults, and such a concern may impact our midlife in some way, whether making us more cynical or spurring us to work harder in an attempt to save more, I don’t know. While many of us expect rich midlife full of adventure offered by the small world we now live in, many of us expect that retirement age will be raised before we get there and that we will need to work longer into our old age than previous generations.

In addition, I am intrigued by Strauss and Howe’s theory of generational cycles. If their observations that large crises happen during the fourth generational turn in each four-generation cycle are accurate, then it is quite possible that the ebb and flow of life as we know it may substantially change around the time most Gen Xers have moved into midlife. According to observations and research by Struass and Howe, the fourth generations in each cycle (Gen X in the current cycle) in the past, have hit their peak of life as midlifers because they rise to the need to become crisis managers, guiding younger generations. 

I would be interested to know how the psychology of midlife played out in the lives of the previous fourth-generation groups in each cycle as identified by Strauss and Howe. I suspect, if the previous generations such as us were busy managing society-altering crises, they likely lacked the energy to invest in their own midlife crises. I imagine they simply survived day-by-day, trying to maneuver successfully through the bigger crisis at hand. Gen X, I think, would easily fall into such paths should massive crisis strike. As a generation, we are well educated. We have survived raising ourselves and have become problem-solvers who avoid idealism in lieu of the practical, and we have invested much effort in raising our children for whom we would do everything in our power to help if they were the young adults on the front lines of massive crisis. 

I don’t internalize doomsday predictions, and I certainly hope Strauss and Howe’s observations from the past don’t come to pass in this particular 4-generation cycle.

I’m not much of a prophet, I confess. I simply cannot see into the future, nor do I want to. So, time will tell what will come to be, and that's sufficient for me. I’m glad to finally be understanding my Gen X-ness, have enjoyed the journey so far, and am looking forward to more living . . . today, tomorrow, midlife, older adulthood, whatever tomorrows come. 

Wishing you all more tales to be told, whatever your generation or stage of life!

God’s blessings!


This blog post is part of a series of writing (April 3-May 14, 2011) by Tammy Fletcher Bergland about Generation X facing midlife.   tbergland.blogspot.com

Cyclical Time: Is History Repeating Itself?

As I’ve looked at generations and generational mindsets, I’ve wanted to talk to more generations than are alive today to help me understand what experiences are human and what experiences are colored by how a generation fits into history.

William Strauss and Neil Howe have examined Anglo-American history through a generational lens all the way back to 1443. They believe they’ve discovered a pattern of generational personalities. They believe that four basic generational types exist throughout history and have cycled through in pretty much the same order over and over again based on the way adults raise children and interact with society and the way children respond to each kind of nurturing and the society around them. So, generations impact society, and society impacts generations as they influence new generations.

By Strauss’s and Howe’s definition of a four-generation cycle, as I’ve looked at Gen X and the three current living generations older than Gen X, I’ve been examining one cycle of four generations that exemplifies most of the other generational cycles throughout history. According to Strauss and Howe, almost seven consecutive times, Anglo-American history has cycled through high times, followed by times of awakening, followed by unraveling of society, culminating in crisis in repeating succession. (Note: the “almost” seven consecutive times is because the U.S. Civil War era was a little off of the usual order, skipping the unraveling and going straight into crisis.)

During crisis, Heroes come to the forefront to help society through massive crisis, that, when resolved, results in high times. Children born during the crisis are usually sheltered out of necessity due to the dangers around them, and they gain their generational identity as young adult Artists. Although Artists speak to the soul of society and have high expectations, they are not considered to be as strong as the generation of Heroes ahead of them nor as strong as the generation of children born after the Artists. During the high times of history, Heroes birth a large generation of Prophets during prosperous times. Prophets dream big dreams and challenge society to push through existing boundaries. As prosperous times give way to an unraveling society, an alienated generation of Nomads is born and much abandoned by society as children, growing up with low expectations. Widespread, massive societal crisis, according to Strauss and Howe, has almost always hit just about the time all the Nomadic generation reaches middle age. The Nomads--overlooked children who learned to manage alone--become the crisis managers, leading the younger and stronger generation who have been nurtured by society to become the Heroes through during much danger while highly protecting the youngest children, the new generation of Artists, as the generational cycle begins anew.

Through the words Strauss and Howe use to tell the generational story of history, Gen X is a Nomadic generation. In the book, The Fourth Turning, Strauss and Howe look at times of societal unraveling evolving into massive crisis and the generations who lived at such times back to 1433; that is, the book focuses on the fourth turn in four-stage generational/societal cycles. Based on what they see as historical precedent, Strauss and Howe expect the Silent Generation to fade away as Baby Boomers become the political leaders of an upcoming, large-scale crisis. They expect Gen Xers to pick up the reins of crisis management as Millenials hit young adulthood at a time when society needs them to become a strong generation of Heroes. They expect the children born during crisis to be highly sheltered and sensitive Artists.

Interesting view of history with an eerie perspective on today’s world . . . hmm? I was reading Strauss and Howe when the recent tsunami hit Japan, so I was especially fascinated by the photos coming out of the crisis, noticing the ages and roles people were playing in response to it.

Questions? Thoughts?

This blog post is part of a series of writing (April 3-May 14, 2011) by Tammy Fletcher Bergland about Generation X facing midlife.   tbergland.blogspot.com